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I am working wounded today. How about you? If you got up and went to work today feeling like there was no way you could do this, then, hey there, soul sister, I empathize.
Today is my first full day back to work since my daughter left for college. For many reasons, this separation is fraught with fear for me (none of those reasons having anything to do with the wonderful young woman she is).
I got up this morning, wondering how I could possibly operate under this weight of irrational, but very real, fear that threatens to smother me.
Yesterday, my mom, anticipating my pain, took me out for a manicure. I sat on the sofa with my head on her shoulder, at fifty years old, enjoying the comfort of my mother’s love. That helped.
This morning, I reached out to a girlfriend. I need lunch with you. NEED. And she immediately scheduled forty minutes of you-can-do-this-she’ll-be-fine over salads and tea. That helped.
I prayed. Nothing articulate or intelligent or particularly beautiful, just a plaintive and pathetic, “help help help, please help me, Jesus, please help me do this, I don’t think I can do this, please help me somehow do this”. That helped.
I scheduled a run with another girlfriend tonight. She’ll be sure to get my butt out the door when I’d rather sit cuddled up to a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. That will help.
Texted daughter. She texted back. Trying trying trying not to be a helicopter mom, but Lord it felt awesome to get that little, loving message. That helped.
I set four work goals for myself today. Big rocks that MUST get done. Four. I can do that. My job needs me to get this done and I need to be productive. Reasonable goal setting. Determination. GRIT DAMMIT. That helped.
And still I struggle. Because sometimes our baggage or our roll of the dice is really damn heavy. And yet I am at work.
If you are struggling too, try some, or all, of the above. And know you are not alone. And know you can do this, even when it’s really, really, really hard.