Tag Archives: Fatigue

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Household Management, Parenting
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Making time for what matters

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Good morning, darling. How was your weekend? Wonderful, I hope. Mostly wonderful, that works too.

I am making my bed again. It’s been about twenty years since I made my bed on anything like a routine (or monthly, even) basis.

That’s how long it took between my first-born arriving on the scene and my youngest getting to the point where he is dressing himself, doing his schoolwork with no reminding, doing laundry and helping me to make meals and clean. That level of help will change a life for sure. All of a sudden, I have time to make my bed.

For years though, I didn’t. And I didn’t feel bad about it. I needed that five minutes in the morning. I needed every minute I could get. I would literally jog from my car to the building in parking lots to save the additional time getting into a store or a customer’s office.

I figured if I saved 25 minutes total throughout the day, that’s time I got to read to my kids before bed. And I LOVED that. It filled my soul. I needed that time with my kiddos.

Twenty-five minutes. That’s the difference between making dinner (even if dinner is sliced apples, crackers and peanut butter) and having to order take-out pizza because I’m out of time and energy.

For me, it was about priorities, and making my bed didn’t make the list.

You are the one who knows what your life needs. Do you like the way your day unfolds? Your week? Are you getting enough time with the kids? When was the last time you kissed your husband? Is the vessel of your soul, of your mommy energy full or empty?

If you aren’t happy, if you are yelling at the kids at the end of the day and hating yourself for it, if you feel thisclose to bursting into tears, look at what you can change.

Time. Priorities. Rotisserie chicken, goldfish crackers and grapes, that’s a perfectly fine dinner. There is no law that says you have to make your kid’s birthday cake (unless you want to). Neither does it list as one of the ten commandments “Thou shalt clean thy own house”. Make sure that you are living by your rules, priorities and expectations, and not someone else’s. Don’t give a damn what “they” think. Please.

Make room somewhere, sister. Make room in your life for what you love.

Because it goes so fast.

And I want you to enjoy the ride.

With love,

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Exercise, Health, Household Management
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Exercise give you energy!

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Good morning, girl! Tuesday, Take Care of Yourself day. Take the stairs, take the salad, take the break to walk outside.
Take the kids to the park (and go down the slide, you know you want to). Take the time to go to the gym, or pull up a yoga video, or show your kiddos how to do a push-up.

Exercise = energy. It makes no sense, I know, but it’s real. IF you don’t believe it, check out this quick WebMD article, it’s true!

http://www.webmd.com/fitness-exercise/features/exercise-for-energy-workouts-that-work#1

Twenty minutes, Mamma, you can find twenty minutes. Get your heart rate up, breath some fresh air, move your blood through your body.

It helps.
With love!

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Exercise, Health
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Fun and free workout – try this!

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Yoga with Adrienne is my favorite youtube yoga channel. She is funny and sweet and offers lots of variations for different levels of athlete. This is a link to Day One of a thirty-one day yoga series. If you don’t have the time or money to get to a yoga studio, this is an excellent alternative. Bonus: you can do it at home with your babies or while your babies sleep.

Namaste 🙂

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioO8K653kMA

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Courage, Not what I planned
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Life is hard

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Hi, girl. Happy Friday.  How are you doing?  Well, I hope, but I know not every mom out there is having a good day.  This gig is hard, some days are heavy.

This goes out to the tired moms.  The sad moms.  With love and encouragement.  I’ve thought about writing about this for a long time, but wanted to be sure I could be honest about the dark while still reassuring you that you will get through it to the light again.

I love being a mom.  I love my husband.  I love my kids.  And even so, there have been days during these last crazy twenty years when I was so tired and so sad that I just didn’t know how I was going to keep going.  Some dark, tired days.

The good-tired days were when I could call a girlfriend and say, “my life is crazy my life is crazy my life is crazy” and she would understand and we would laugh and I would keep going.

But there were dark, sad days too. When life was too heavy for me to make that phone call.  (Why is it the hardest to call when I need help most?)   When work wasn’t going well (the pressure, my God the pressure); when every room in the house was a mess; when I had made some spectacular parent fail (way late to daycare, screamed at the kids, forgot kiddo’s event at school – like his BIRTHDAY).  When there wasn’t enough money, or milk, or time and the thought of making dinner just about killed me. 

At my worst, I worried about being a bag lady, my children gone, my husband gone, the house taken away.  Not rational, no, but who ever said our fears had to be rational?

If you are there today, for whatever reason, you are not alone and you are not a failure.  Even though I know it’s hard, pick that phone up and call your BFF or your mom or a therapist – whomever will help you carry that burden for a little while.  Write down five things you are grateful for.  Go for a run; even if it’s late, even if you don’t have the right running bra, even if you don’t want to, move your body for 20 minutes, it’ll help.  Prayer helped me too; there have been worried nights I prayed myself to sleep because that was the only way sleep would come.  And Cheerios for dinner are fine.  Really, better than fine. 

There is no magic pill for this, Mamma.  This is life.  It is hard sometimes, we screw up sometimes, the pieces don’t fall into place sometimes.  It doesn’t make you a failure, it makes you human.  There are ups and downs and unexpected turns.

I want you to know that it will be alright.  Here I sit, twenty years along that rollercoaster.  My kids still love me and my husband still loves me and we still have the house.  I have far, far fewer dark days now – probably because I can see that my kids are turning out to be good people.  And they can help with the dishes and the laundry now, no small thing.

Ask for help.  Sit with gratitude for a moment.  Move.  Pray.  Cut yourself some slack. 

And keep moving.  One foot in front of the other.  You can do this.

With love,

 

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Courage, Household Management, Parenting
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Big rocks

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Good morning!  Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.  And that’s a darn good thing because my entire household woke up late this morning.  You’ve been there, right?  So you can imagine the scene.  

That whole imperfection thing.  I’m getting better at making peace with it, but still, there are days.

As working moms we will never have enough time to be the perfect mom or the perfect employee or the perfect anything, and there can be pain in living that.  I remember days when the pain of it was just blinding.  Days when the kitchen was a mess and the report was overdue, and all I wanted was more time to sit and read to my kids and I felt utterly inadequate.  Pain, sister. This life is not for sissies.

It helped when I learned about Big Rocks.

Big rocks. Put the big rocks in first. You’ve probably heard this analogy from Stephen Covey, but just in case:  Imagine you have a big jar, and you are asked to fill it with sand and pebbles and small rocks and a few big rocks.  There is more than enough material there to fill the jar to the top, how can you get the most in your jar?  Well, if you put the sand and pebbles in first, there won’t be room for the big rocks. The trick is to put the big rocks in first and then fit the pebbles and sand in around them.

The big rocks for me are my family, my health, my job. Small rocks, friendships, our dogs, the compulsion I have to continually learn about the world around me.  Sand: Shopping (fine if I have time, but mostly I go with what we already own or, if I have to, have the new item delivered).

Big rock: Christmas gift for the kid.  Sand: Wrapping it beautifully.
Big rock: Family eating dinner together.  Sand: Fancy food.
Big rock: Major project at work.  Sand: Happy hour.
Big rock: Safe house.  Sand: Clean house.

Let yourself live this.  It won’t all fit in, it just won’t.  Especially in those early and fleeting years when your kids are little and they want and need so much from you.  Let the sand-little unimportant stuff go, and no regrets. 

When the sand-people complain or criticize you – and, sadly, it’s a when, not an if – let it roll past without touching your heart.  You can, because you know your big rocks are taken care of.

Identify your big rocks.  What matters to you?  Protect that.

You’ve got this.

With love,

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Exercise, Health, Sleep
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Go! Do!

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Good morning, Mamma.  What are you going to do to get some exercise in today?  I know you don’t have time, really, I get it.  I know that even the thought of exercise can be daunting.  I know you want to stop reading right now about how you should exercise and have a piece of toast instead.  Because that woman lives in me too.

But you also know your energy will be better.  And that crushing tired that comes upon you at 7 PM sucks.  Have you ever come home from work and fallen asleep on the sofa?  Sitting up?  With your purse still strapped to your shoulder?  Me too.  Exercise will help make that fatigue go away.  It will.  Fact.

And your mood will be better.  Proven.  And you know you hate it when you scream at the kids just because you’re stressed.  I know I hate it when I do that.  Hate.  It.  So go for a two mile run.  15 minute miles are just fine; get your heart rate up = improve your patience and your mood.

And your sleep will be better.  Truth.  Yummy yummy truth.

So find the time.  Get up half an hour earlier and go for a run before they all wake up.  Or do the hour long race walk over your lunch hour today at work.  Take the stairs.  Whatever you need to do, sister, do it. 

You are worth it.  Your energy is worth it.  Your sunny ability to handle the inevitable stresses of motherhood is worth it.

Go, sister.  Go do.

With love,

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Exercise, Goal setting
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How can I stick to a fitness routine?

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Hello, Mamma! Good morning!! I’m on my way to the Y for an early morning swim. Thank God for the buddy system, because the only thing that would get me out of bed at this hour to put a swim suit on and show up on a pool deck (not to mention get in the water) is the lovely woman waiting there to encourage me.

I have another friend who texts me about our 5AM yoga classes, on Wednesdays and Fridays. I’m strengthened, de-stressed and back home before the family is even out of bed.

This weekend it was a two hour bike ride with my husband and sons (try keeping up with a teenage boy on a bike and see what kind of workout you get); lovely, sunny, family togetherness.

My workout buddies. My life would very literally not be the same without them.

There has been good scientific work done showing that women who attended meetings at Weight Watchers had far better success in getting fit than women who tried to do the very same eating plan on their own. This makes a world of sense to me.

I think I’m a fairly strong woman. Fairly disciplined; fairly determined; fairly capable. But, good as I am, I am far, far better when I have someone working with me. Someone to whom I am accountable. Someone else who’s strength I can borrow when I don’t feel strong.

Get yourself a workout buddy, girl. Or two. Or three. Someone who’s respect matters to you. Someone who wants to achieve the same level of fitness you do. Call! Ask!

I asked my Mrs. Swimming Buddy months ago if she would tackle a triathlon-fitness-goal with me. After a few days consideration, she said yes. I’ve asked my husband for encouragement. Years ago, I asked a friend who was former army special forces if he would push me on strength training.

Be brave enough to ask, because the pay off is so very worth it.

Okay, Mamma. To the pool with me. How about you? What’s your workout today? Who encourages and supports you? How did you set that buddy system up?

Have a great day, girl.

With love,

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Courage, Not what I planned
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Keep going

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Happy Friday, girl. Hang in there, Mamma. Almost there. If it’s been a rough week, you’re not alone. Some weeks are like that. (Even in Australia.)

As it’s been said, “Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” So true. One woman’s mom has Alzheimer’s, mom calls and calls and calls. Another’s mom passes away in the night; so painful, no matter how old you are, you always need your mom. A mom struggles to be close to her teenagers. Another has trouble at work. This one is told she needs surgery and they might not be able to fix it.

It’s a mighty storm we dance in on this planet.

I’ll share something a dear friend said to me this week, “Fear and faith cannot be in the same room together. Choose faith.”

If you are in a joyful place this week, good for you! Lock those memories in, Mamma! Feel the joy!

If you are struggling, choose faith. And keep going.

It’ messy this life of ours.

Keep going, Mamma. Happy, sad, scared, all of it. When the pressure is building, pray, call for help, keep trying. And find the joy. See the sunshine, see the bright spots. They are there. And they can feed your soul when the journey gets rocky.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. Today is one day in a very long life. And every day dawns new with another chance to get it right.

You’ve got this, Mamma.

With love,

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Courage, Not what I planned, Stay connected with kids
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Our weakest moment

Courage, Not what I planned, Stay connected with kids Leave a comment

Good morning, girl. It’s going to be a wonderful day. Are you ready?

I had one of those micro powerful experiences this weekend. You know, the kind of experience that lasts all of two minutes but that you’ll never forget?

I’ve been processing it ever since. Those few minutes have made me grateful for my life this week and made me want to reach out and hug every working mom who’s ever had a horrible day.

I was at Disneyland this weekend. One of my favorite places ever, and quite literally one of the happiest places on earth.

I was walking my beloved and sleeping God daughter up and down a street in her stroller while the rest of my family and friends were at another ride. Twenty perfect, meditative minutes into our little mobile nap, a voice cuts the air just ahead of me.

A mother is screaming at her two year old. I look over. Screaming and shaking that little body. Slamming her into her stoller, still screaming. The child, wide-eyed with fright, looks up at her mom.

I walked over to mom and, who knows, maybe it was God, maybe it was my Zen-like peace after twenty minutes of walking in the sun, but I reached a hand out, touched mom on her shoulder and said, “Hi. I’m a mom too. I know sometimes it’s really hard. Can I help?”

She stops screaming, startled at my touch. “I have kids too,” I repeat, “I know sometimes it just gets really hard. Can I help?”

Mom starts to cry. Tells me a story of a dad who isn’t committed to his family, in-laws trying to come between them, she’s pregnant with twins in addition to the little one in the stroller. She and her mother had come to the park and grandma had taken the older kiddo on a roller coaster. This little one had run away and pregnant mom was cramping and scared of the cramping and scared her husband wouldn’t come back and she’d just gone back to church and was trying to be a Christian but sometimes life is just so hard.

I kept my hand on her shoulder. Encouraged her to drink water in case the cramping was from dehydration in the heat. Listened. Told her I knew she was a good person. Told her I knew she could do this. Told her that I would pray for her. Frankly, I’m not sure what all I said, but her body relaxed.

I talked to little one in the stroller who was staring at us, trying to decide if she should still be scared or not. I looked down and spoke to her too, comforting tone, smile, what’s your name honey. Mom talks to daughter. Daughter looks at mom. Finally a smile.

I hugged that pregnant mom and repeated that I would pray for her and that we all had really hard days sometimes and that I knew she was strong enough to keep going. She thanked me and we parted, never to see each other again, I’m sure.

And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. She reminded me of my own frailty. The time during my own divorce when I was screaming at my own two year old. He didn’t want me to go to work. I didn’t want to go to work either, but I had to. And his dad had just moved out and taken half the furniture with him. And I was terrified I didn’t have the strength to get through another day and all I wanted to do was stay home and curl up with my child and instead I had to go out and make money to buy groceries and keep the house.

Life can be so hard sometimes.

There was a beautiful woman who stepped in during my worst day and reminded me that I could be a better mom, that I needed to be a better mom. My newly hired and gorgeously brave young nanny. I’ll be forever grateful to her.

Life can be so hard sometimes and we just cannot do it alone.

I will keep praying for pregnant mom. I hope you will too.

Because if you are going to live a life, there will be those moments of just about losing it. There will be you at your worst. And there will be you, coming back from the brink and vowing to be a better person.

The dance, the journey, the hard school of real life.

You can do it. And some day, when it’s you who sees a woman at her breaking point, you’ll help her through it.

It’s what we do.

With love,