Happy Friday, Mamma. Date night for you?
I was laying in bed this morning, not wanting to get up. I have another five day business trip coming up. And then three days away the week after that. I do love my job, but Lord, these times are tough.
So, this morning, knowing I have this time away, I was laying in bed, just being aware of my husband’s presence, just feeling his skin, his warmth, the bulk of him. Pressing myself close to him to try to soak up as much of us-together as I can. I am grateful for this man in my life. Grateful for this good man, this full partner, this dear friend.
Yesterday, he cleaned up dog throw-up. Twice. Before breakfast. That’s a man worth being married to, my love.
We are in a really good place right now. We laugh, we play, we trade-off making dinner. I do the bills, he does the laundry. I understand when his yes means yes, and when his yes means I-don’t-want-to-but-I-will-if-it-means-that-much-to-you.
If you’re not there right now, can I encourage you a little bit?
My good man and I had some tough times too. Reeeeally tough times. Marriage isn’t easy. Not even marriage between the two most compatible, wonderful folks in the world, which we are not. Spend your life with someone and you’re going to have good times and bad times. Horrible, sucky, I-don’t-understand-you-and-I-don’t-know-if-I-want-to-be-with-you-anymore bad times.
Thank God we stayed together. Really, thank God, because I cannot imagine my life without this man.
I had some remarkable friends who saw me through that awful time. I leaned on their strength when I had none of my own left. “What is your promise worth?” asked one in the quietest, most unjudgemental way possible. Another just told me that failure was not an option, that we were good people and we would get our marriage back. Another pointed me to Corinthians in the bible and asked me to look at myself, what was I giving? A male pastor I had turned to for guidance sent me a book to try to understand the male mind better (and it did help).
(And this: If he is abusing drugs or alcohol, beating you or your children, or cheating on you repeatedly, you leave, and get yourself a great lawyer and a big dog, got it? But if you are with a good man and the two of you are just not meshing right now, keep working at it, it’s worth it.)
This partnership my husband and I have today, this fun, silly, hard-working, sexy, respectful partnership that we have today – it was forged in the kiln of mutual sacrifice and continued effort. And it is a beautiful thing. Our kids see this. They feel safe and loved.
I am so grateful for it.
Nothing good comes easy. And a good marriage is the deepest, most profound, life-giving good.