Hey, Mamma. My heart is hurting today. Two dear friends are in great pain right now. One has a kid in the hospital (for a week now) and the doctors still don’t know what’s wrong. The other has two beloved teenage children that aren’t connecting with her, in fact they are pointedly rejecting her, and she is just flat out heart-broken.
What do you say when someone you love is hurting that badly? What do you do if you are the one whose heart is breaking?
I’ve been there. i think most of us have at some point. I’ve been the one, wrapped in a quilt, sitting on my front porch in the middle of the night, sobbing my heart out. Sobbing for mistakes I made that hurt me, hurt people I love.
And I’ve been the mom watching her toddler try to breath in the hospital. I’ve gone 48 hours without sleeping because he couldn’t sleep. I’ve been the hysterical woman at the nurses’ station.
This life is not for sissies.
if you are hurting today, I am so sorry. Truly, deeply, I am sorry you are in pain and I wish you well as quickly as possible.
Mistakes cannot be undone, but darling, you can learn a new way to do things. If your family doesn’t look the way you want it to, figure out why and then change what you can (knowing that no one’s family is perfect, of course). Get therapy if you can’t figure it out. There is no shame in getting a relationship coach. That’s all that therapists are, you know. Just like a coach in basketball, or a math teacher, they are there to help you learn what none of us is born knowing.
When your baby is so sick they’re in danger, nothing else in the world matters. God bless you in that moment, and know that you are not alone. If you have a husband, cling to him. If someone offers help, accept it. And if the doctors don’t know what’s going on, push them, question them, get more and different doctors in there till someone figures out how to fix it. And pray.
There are days that take us to the edge of what we are capable of. There is pain that burns away everything that is not central to our lives, pain that shows us with terrible clarity what matters most.
It was in that awful kiln that the strongest parts of me were formed.
You can survive. You will make it through this day. You will learn, your will grow, you will live. You will be strong because you have to be strong.
And tomorrow, when it comes with it’s next fresh chance, you will wake with more information with which to build your life. Information about what matters most to you.
With deepest love,